Parents Need Friends, Too

 

Parents Need Friends, Too

By Stephanie Kepke

Close your eyes and let the years spin back to your student’s early childhood. What do you remember? Maybe the beautiful chaos of small children is the first thing that pops into your mind. Or perhaps, you recall how easy it was to make friends. Pre-school pickup, play dates at the park, endless birthday parties. There was always an opportunity to chat with other parents and an opportunity to forge relationships based on your kids being in the same stage at the same time.

Those memories are so sweet. I still keep in touch with my first mommy friend almost a quarter century after we pushed our kids on the swings at our favorite park, pushed strollers around the mall on rainy days, and lifted the brightly colored parachutes at Gymboree. We’re literally half a world away from each other—she’s lived in Australia for two decades now—but that bond is unbreakable. Same goes for the other Gymboree moms with whom we became friends. We’re all still connected.

When we moved from Boston to Long Island (to my hometown) I easily made even more friends—with each kid, I met moms with whom to bond. But…as my kids grew, my ability to make new friends shrunk. It got harder and harder to meet new people. Without the communal experience of chatting while picking up our kids or sitting on the bleachers watching Little League, life felt more isolated, although I still adore all my mom friends from every era, of course. Covid was a nail in the coffin, moving PTA meetings, the one place I still socialized with a group of moms, to the virtual realm.

But then…something happened at around the same time covid hampered my in-person relationships—I met new friends. Yes, it started as in-person friends just before covid in the fall of 2019 (when my middle son started Hofstra), but grew into vibrant virtual connections that eventually transitioned back into the real world. You may wonder what I did as a fifty-something to finally make new friends. The answer…I joined Hofstra Parent and Family Council! We are a group of parents, guardians and family members dedicated to bridging the gap between home and Hofstra. Fostering a connection that is often overlooked when students leave for college is rewarding for parents, the university and the student body—everyone wins.

We gather for dinners; have our own cheering section at home basketball games; attend monthly meetings, which are on Zoom and always chock full of information (the last meeting of

the spring is in-person, as well as on Zoom); we support each other; and we care about all students, not just our own, raising funds for the Student Emergency Fund. (Parent and Family Council also presents monthly “Timely Topics” Zoom sessions, which are “must-see.”) Perhaps best of all, we have the amazing Branka Kristic, Director of Parent and Family Programs and Assistant Dean of Students, leading us. She is a gem who will guide you through any crisis that may arise with compassion and knowledge. And she facilitates that feeling that we are all there for one another.

And to be sure, members are so supportive of each other. I feel very fortunate that my fellow PFC members crowded a book store on an icy night last February for my book signing. It meant so much to me to look out at the audience and see my PFC friends. It really sent home the message that we are there for each other, beyond supporting our students and Hofstra.

The bond you form with parents of children in the same stage as yours is undeniably strong, even when those children are young adults. I have commiserated with other PFC parents of students struggling with the same issues mine have struggled with (I currently have a senior and a sophomore at Hofstra), and it helps to not feel alone. I would argue that with the stakes being so much higher in college than they were when we were young parents chatting at school pick-up, it’s even more important to have friends with kids in the same stage. Having others who understand the parenting struggles and challenges of raising children who are on the cusp of full-fledged adulthood is priceless. (And yes, I know they’re adults at eighteen, but having raised three humans, one of whom is twenty-five and “fully adult,” living on his own, I still think of college age as “almost adult.”)

So, join us…whether it’s for a fun Zoom event or to cheer on Hofstra’s basketball team or to sit around a table enjoying delicious dishes and sparkling conversation (if you’re local or visiting), you will be glad you did—and you may even make one or two (or several!) new friends.